When Childhood Trauma Begins

How would you feel if your birth anniversary felt like a bad omen because your mum died giving birth to you?

What if you were the child who constantly watched your parents fight each other, and as little as you were, you became the mediator trying to settle their disputes?

What if you saw your mother or father turn their back on you, leaving you to face life alone?

Now, nobody knows you are a survivor. You’ve bottled up the pain of sexual abuse for decades, and now you find it difficult to have a healthy relationship.

From your toddler years through your teens, you were told over and over that you would never amount to anything, that you were cursed. Those words, spoken by your loved ones, still echo in your mind. Now, as an adult, you feel trapped by their negativity—it’s holding you back from taking the steps needed for a breakthrough.

What if, as a child, you grew up in an unsafe environment where you became the caregiver to a parent suffering from mental illness or substance abuse?

What if you were just a child when you started babysitting your siblings because of neglect or the death of your parents? As the firstborn, you became their everything. But the sacrifices you made left gaps in your own life—loopholes you still haven’t been able to heal from.

Childhood Trauma in the African Context

Some of these terrible situations have grown into deep childhood traumas, making it feel like we are trapped in a dark place.

But here’s the other truth: as Africans, there is a strong possibility that each of us carries the weight of childhood trauma, shaped from our traditional norms, and the harsh realities of our economy. This means you are not alone in this boat.

The scars you carry are not curses, nor are they signs of weakness; they are living proof of your survival. Just like a soldier who returns from the battlefield with deep visible scars, we often see them as heroic symbols of victory—our scars also tell the same story. We are no different.

READ ALSO: Self-Abuse: The Silent Battle No One Talks About

Choosing to Heal from Childhood Trauma

To heal these wounds, we must unlearn the lies we told ourselves, reclaim the worth we were denied, and rebuild the life we deserve.

While therapy can be a powerful path to recovery, not everyone has access to it. The good news is: healing can begin right where you are, with the tools and compassion you give yourself.

This is your gentle, step-by-step guide to start reclaiming peace without a therapist.

1. Create a Sense of Safety

Before you can heal, your mind and body need to know they’re safe.

• Choose a corner or space in your home where you feel secure and calm.
• Limit contact with people who drain or harm you.
• Practice grounding: notice 5 things you see, 5 things you hear, and 5 things you can touch to bring yourself back to the present.

2. Reconnect with Your Body

Trauma often makes us feel cut off from our bodies. Gently restore the connection.

• Try yoga, stretching, or slow walks in nature.
• Practice mindful breathing to ease anxiety.
• Lie down and scan your body from head to toe, noticing sensations without judgment.

3. Give Your Pain a Voice

As children, many of us couldn’t speak our truth. Now you can.

• Journal your feelings, memories, or letters you’ll never send.
• Paint, sing, or dance what you can’t put into words.
• Record yourself telling your story privately—it can be powerful to hear yourself acknowledge it.

4. Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Replace self-blame with the kindness you deserved all along.

• Speak to yourself the way you’d comfort a hurt child.
• Create small rituals of care—warm meals, soft blankets, early nights of rest.
• Replace “I’m broken” with “I’m healing.”

5. Seek Safe Connections

You don’t need a therapist to find support.

• Surround yourself with friends who uplift and respect you.
• Join online or local survivor communities.
• Let someone you trust know when you’re struggling—you don’t have to carry it alone.

6. Learn About Trauma

Understanding what happened can replace shame with clarity.

• Read books like The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk or Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker.
• Listen to trauma recovery podcasts or watch survivor stories.

7. Move at Your Own Pace

Healing isn’t a race. Some days will feel heavy; others will feel lighter. Both are part of the journey.

• Celebrate small wins, like feeling less anxious or setting a boundary.
• Rest when you need to—growth also happens in stillness.

💛 Remember: You can heal without erasing the past. Your story matters. Your scars tell of survival, not weakness. Every act of self-care, every boundary, every deep breath is proof—you are rewriting your future.