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Mothers Who Lost Their Children To Suicide Voice Their Stories

Losing a child to suicide can serve you a life sentence of grief and agony. Nothing can be compared to the pain one feels when a loved one’s life is suddenly cut short due to some reasons unknown. Such grief is not prepared for and as such the unforseen punch can place one in a drastic shock.

In most countries especially in Africa, the society turns to put blame on parents who lose their children to suicide and this stigmatization make the bereaved family to have an additional shame to their anguish. Consequently, they are left to deal with unpleasant comments made by individuals and this situation can spark up an excruciating pain in their lives.

Voice Your Stories shares stories of mothers who lost their children to suicide.

“Whenever l enter his room, l always have to control my tears because l still feel him very deeply. At the age of 20, My son Josh took his life due to his breakup with his girlfriend. It was actually his second attempt to take his life. He was my only child and my life revolved around him. I cried everyday and l came to a point where l said to myself ” Okay What can you do? I knew that if l say ” God why me? It was not going to work for me either. For any parent who loses a child to suicide, the guilt will stay with you Forever. “- Anonymous

“I live with [the] pain of losing a 31-year-old daughter who was brilliant, beautiful and had a mind that tortured her to the point where she chose to end the pain. I miss Katie every day.” — Gregg A.

“I lost my only daughter, Lorraine, on April 4, 2011, She was 26 and a mother of two. She eventually took her own life due to an early childhood sexual abuse weighed on her. Her dead made me go into shock. You go through the funeral, there are a lot of things you don’t remember because you are in shock. I couldn’t stay in the house. I was running to the shops for the sake of it. I do remember looking at myself in the mirror, and saying, ‘oh my God, who is that person looking back at me’. Everything about me changed.

I don’t really look forward to anything. And I feel guilty over that as well. I won’t allow myself to enjoy. You divorce yourself from the legacy, yet you don’t want her memory to die either, she was part of me. I’m glad I did have her for 26 years.”- Deirdre O’ Connor

“ We don’t move on. It becomes a part of us until we die. And with all their good intentions, they will never (hopefully) understand the depth of losing a child by suicide.” — Linda M.

“We lost our son to suicide at the age of 30. We torture ourselves with ifs, whats, whys and wherefores, but in a video he left us, [he said] he couldn’t live his life like he was anymore, regardless of how much we tried to help him. We are truly broken, but hang on to each other to get through, one day at a time.” — Clare N.

“My son was 23 when suicide took him. He was handsome, smart and funny… and felt he didn’t fit anywhere. It took about five years to put my pieces back together, but I am not the same and neither is his sister, 17 years, and we manage by holding on to each other. We aren’t afraid to mention him and wish others weren’t. He is still in our hearts and our lives. We celebrate his birthday, and commiserate on the anniversary of his death. His friends still post birthday wishes on his Facebook page. It will always hurt like it was yesterday, but we’ve learned to carry the pain so no one else can see us flinch.” — Lesley R.

*Tips on How To Deal with Trauma caused By Suicide

Denise Schatt-Denslow who also lost his child to suicide give the following tips to families who are still mourning their children whose lives were cut short by the mental illness

*Understand that what happened is not your fault:
You may blame yourself and wonder what you could have done differently. I still do that to this day. For a long time, I constantly played the night of my son’s death over and over in my head. I constantly thought of different scenarios that might have saved him. These thoughts caused me more pain and didn’t change a thing. I know you’re probably going to have these thoughts. Every parent I have met who has experienced this type of loss has had them. I implore you to keep reminding yourself it is not your fault.

*Let people help you:
Don’t push people away. If you are married, be there for each other. I typically isolate during times of great pain or sadness, but this can make the grief so much worse. Many times, my husband wanted to help, and I went to my room and grieved alone. Sometimes I still need to do this, but the times I’ve let my husband in have been a huge comfort. Never forget that there are people who love you and truly want to help.

*Join a support group:
If you can’t join an in-person group, find a supportive one online. Losing a child is a special grief. Those who haven’t lost a child will try to understand, but they will be unable to. If the group you join does not feel right for you, give it a chance for three weeks, then leave and find a different one.

*Seek one-on-one counseling:
Having someone you can talk to about anything, especially your child, can be a huge comfort. Many counselors will listen without judgement help you navigate the peaks and valleys of grief. You may need to visit a few different counselors to find the right one, but when you do, it can have a profound impact on you, your loved ones and your family.

*Set boundaries:
People may say a lot of stupid things in response to a suicide loss or they may just be things that don’t resonate for you, personally. Certainly, if someone is being negative and telling you to “just get over it,” or anything else that is hurtful or unhelpful, it is perfectly okay to speak up. Tell them you know they mean to be helpful, but that what they are saying is not.

*Everybody will go through difficulties in life but let console our hearts in order to live again.

Mercy Obot

Mercy Obot is a journalist, entrepreneur and an inspirational writer who takes delight in emboldening people through real life stories. She also loves reading, listening to cool music and making friends globally.

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