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30s, 40s : Illuminating The Heart of Single Ladies

Ladies in 30s and 40s who uphold the single status have their episodes of heartbreak. For instance, I was ringed twice, and having my fairy dreams shredded apart left me wrapped up in an emotional tantrum. As the first child, there were high expectations for me to fulfill, especially being married before clocking 30.

In my 20s, I tried so hard in the little knowledge I had to keep my relationships intact but was unable to make them rosy because of losing myself in the process of just living my life. I was unhappy, and felt empty, a feeling that signaled negativity in all the intimacy I endeavored to sustain.

Sometimes people ask, why are you still single in your 30s? The question often arouses my once fairy wish of getting married once I aged 25. But, just as the adage goes, “Life serves you with dishes you never ordered for”.

Now in my 30s, I have no husband or a kid because of sacrificing this phase of life on the altar of just finding myself. Looking back now, I am glad this decision was taken.

Dear sis, it’s okay if your dreams got shredded into pieces, and you’ve found yourself in the middle of the night wishing you had a kid or a husband just by your side.

Sporadically, it can be hard handling some questions regarding our singleness, especially now we are in our 30s, 40s and even 50s. This interrogation frequently makes us work back the memory lane that is plied with betrayal, trauma, confusion, and pain.

Amidst all the tantrums life has thrown at us, I will love to say, we have to first acknowledge our status with a full chest, realizing that in today’s society, we will always come across such question,” Why we are still single, especially in our 30s?”. Our hearts should always be prepared to give the most heartwarming response that will leave you in a place of peace instead of chaos.

We should also stop assuming that our lives would have been so much better if we had toured the other part of marrying that man who treated us badly or nicely or even accepted proposals without just being choosy.

The truth remains, we never have a full grab of what would have happened if we had decided to walk down the aisle years ago and have a family. We don’t know if we would have taken in immediately or still have intimacy with our partners or have our emotions still stable or even have our spouse still alive.

So let’s stop assuming that our lives would have been better off if we had a martial ring on our finger. We just have to stop making our thoughts out of mere assumptions, which can be likened to the lowest form of intelligence.

What if I tell you, “You are living in your right life timeline,” so no need for the comparison?

Once again, look at yourself in the mirror and just know that probably you had taken the best decision and what you owe yourself today and beyond is to evolve to be the best version of who you are.

Just be happy about what you have achieved so far and continue to be passionate because life may be serving us with a life that we might never have anymore once we walk down that aisle.

On this note, let’s write tons of life-saving books, get that leadership programme and some skill acquisitions, improve our soft skills, build on the appropriate networks, upgrade our educational status, inculcate unique attributes, and just be obsessed in improving ourselves. Your improved self will definitely be a motivation for your husband and an inspiration for your children and other generations.

By the time you look back at your single life, you will be proud of what you were able to accomplish so far.

So let’s remind ourselves that our battle of staying strong and courageous lies in the mind. Embrace the time, and load your mind with positive thoughts so that they can birth remarkable outcomes in your life.

Remember, finding love means first finding and loving yourself. So be interested in getting to know “You” first.


Mercy Obot

Mercy Obot is a journalist, entrepreneur and an inspirational writer who takes delight in emboldening people through real life stories. She also loves reading, listening to cool music and making friends globally.

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